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The Cookiepus Conspiracy

Mindless ramblings, leading to perfect clarity.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Context Free

Finally, someone calls attention to the real problem - the absolutely ridiculous climate we live in. Why the hell is the most industrially advanced, wealthy nation located in the fucking tropics? It was 100 degrees here in NYC the other day, and that's in the North east.

While George "Stupid" W. Bush will tell say we need to buy ACs for the old folks, he's just thinking about the energy companies getting rich off the taxpayer money, and ways to put more freon in the atmosphere. No, we need an energy efficient, environmentally friendly solution. And I have one...

Years and years ago, we fought a war with Canada. No one remembers why, for certain, but I think it's because we felt they got the better climate deal. I think we should trade places with Canada. That way, they get to broaden their culture by being able to play games other than hockey, and we get to cool off our African American senior citizens (and I don't mean to be one of those white guys crying 'reverse racism,' but it's hot for me too!) without demanding more from the planet. Other benefits: we get to link up with Alaska and have 51 contiguous states! Though on the downside, much fewer Mexicans will be able to enter the country by crawling under a fence.

Thank you Deacon for raising this very important issue. I can only hope the days of the Bush Assministration are numbered and that Al Gore and Ralph Nader can make this change happen. And if Canada doesn't go along, we'll put our fleet into Lake Erie and show 'em who's boss. I'd rather we put this as the first priority. Why do we need to conquer Iraq, it's hot as balls down there. I don't want to even THINK about the desert until November.

I know, you are thinking that's stupid. Why involve the Navy when we can just nuke them? We can't nuke them because we want to live there, remember sillyhead????


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